in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
