Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I understand Curling. That high.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
