I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
