Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
