So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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