Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
