She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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