after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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