yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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