i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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