I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
