The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize