Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
