"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
