my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
