I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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