to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
