I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So many bounce houses so little time
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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