That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
