she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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