This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
