A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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