what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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