So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
