so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
