Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
