She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize