Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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