Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
