i was born a porn star she said
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
