Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
