I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
