porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
