we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
