Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
