I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
