Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
