He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize