normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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