Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
