I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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