we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
