happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
