Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
