Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
