So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
