I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
