You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
