My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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