Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
COCAINE IS GR8
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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