literally had 100 drinks last night.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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