Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
