So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
