If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
