I am in a vortex of obligation.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
