fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Farmville is her only friend.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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