I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm passing your future prison.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
