Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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