Jerry, you need to find god
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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