I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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