Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
