this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
