HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
