dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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