Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
